I am not a person that always says what’s on my mind and seldom what’s on my heart, but I am prompted to do so today. A revelation that lifted my spirit. Maybe someone needs to hear it as well. It will be a long tale but worth reading till the end…
In 2010, I began to write. I wrote to block out my reality at the time. I wrote to block out the empty cupboards, the demanding phone calls of creditors, the tall grass that could not be cut, the fact that my children had to leave home because my ex and I could not provide in their needs any more. I wrote to block out all the anger and pain, the rejection we have experienced from church, the lack of support. standing alone in a very harsh world. I wrote of lost dreams and empty promises.
I wrote 22 books during that time. Only three of those books were published so far. Love at War and Juweel van die Oosgrens will be book #4 and #5. Both started off quite different from its conception. But as I grew the stories grew, changed, and developed where they are now.
At that stage, there was still a we in the equation. After 2014, we became I…one. I was thrown off balance with no understanding or idea of how to move forward. I had no form of financial support, had no income and no earthly possessions.
Then I began to dream. It was a slow process of trusting myself first then others.
(This was a long process and one I will not talk about now. I want to get to the revelation part.)
At the end of 2019, I was invited to attend an Eksderde camp where Marié van den Berg spoke directly into my life. Infused with God’s knowledge she said, “God has given you a blank page.”
At the time it elevated me, but I didn’t understand. I ran with it like a thirsty beggar but still felt unworthy, not sure where I fit in. I was still off-balance unsure and desperate.
Was God’s promises of yesteryear still effective? Did my current dreams coincide with God’s plan for me? How did it all fit? Were just some of the questions I faced.
Then I met Joe van den Berg a week ago and he said, “Your past is the past, you have a new slate. It will never be again.”
It was like a click within.
It is a clean slate. From this moment forward all promises and dreams is a new beginning.
The revelation part:
At the moment I am reading the Fourth Dimension from Dr Cho where he talks about receiving assurances from God for your dream.
And the second click happened.
Back in 2010, I wrote to forget, I wrote about anything. From spiritual stories to erotic and everything in between. It was my saving grace during a difficult time. It blinded me from reality.
Since 2019, my writing has changed. My fears and anger do not surface within the pages nor my desires or longings of things not meant. It is more focused now.
My dream is to be a New York best-selling author, to own a book and coffee shop and create a safe environment for all creative beings not only writers. (The reason for my group’s recent name change.)
To get back to Dr Cho’s book and to cut an exceptionally long story short, he said to keep on dreaming and talking about it. For others, it might seem foolish or a pipe dream. There are times that I feel neglected and even looked over, but in this book, he encouraged me to keep on dreaming and planning until God gives me the assurance, the red seal, so to speak. God will approve or object, but my work is to continue with it until…
When you step away from a long-time marriage your world tilts dramatically. In this time, God will allow you to make decisions and even allow you to make mistakes while He keeps you safe…looking back I can point you to all the times He provided and protected me from myself and others that meant me harm I am still in awe about it.
The best part of this long tale is that when God gives you a new page, he means it. But he also wants to see how serious you are. By giving you a clean slate, he gives you a second chance. We begin anew all you have to do is keep on dreaming and doing until God gives you the red seal, the assurance.
That dream will propel you forward. It will help you to grow and it will help you to find your feet again. Just hang in. God is in control.