This is an article that was written at the end of 2016. I just went through a painful time, just realized that depth of deception lost my work after some disagreement with the employer, and scammed by a heartless person who serves a three-year sentence at the moment. It was a time of learning and getting some backbone and ate the humility apple.
The good that came from that was that my path crossed with God, the Father again and received the healing I desperately needed. This is quite fitting with where I am.
Be true to yourself.
The last couple of months were the most exciting but also hurtful time I had in a long time, silent in my writing, my life had undergone a few twists and turns; each opportunity a learning curve where I discovered so much of myself.
As a woman, walking this path alone, I realized my vulnerability and how people would use me, sometimes even with my permission. For a long time, I lived in a very safe cocoon, allowing others to think for me. Ever since I made the bold step to stand on my own, taking responsibility for myself, I understood that circumstances, and the people or culture I lived in shaped my life. In short, I wasn’t street smart, and I had to learn how to fit in or be devoured.
My point of view.
In this haven, I perceived people in black and white with little or no grace towards them. Now those unyielding glasses had fallen away and my awareness of life is more colourful; making room not only for my own mistakes but those I’ve met. Life isn’t rigid or set-in-stone, but a kaleidoscope of laughter and passion, where I discover new opportunities at every corner—venturing out in the unknown to find incredible prospects and beautiful things along the way. I’m amazed at my boldness walking into places I would not have dreamed to do previously and in the process made friends: my pioneer spirit basking in the new person emerging from the cocoon.
In my vulnerability I learned to trust my gut; I made mistakes when I disobeyed that little voice, who diligently watched over me. While doing this, I learned to have fun laughing more than I did in a long time. I learned that it’s okay to mess up—no longer do I chastise myself in doing so—and ate some humble pie, but it taught me valuable skills that served me in my daily life and work environment. I work with people every day and I experience the good, the bad and the ugly all in one week.
As human beings, we have different perceptions but when finely tuned in—trying—the ugly turns out beautiful, the bad good and the good sometimes bad. Life is a fine balance between them all.
Love life's challenges.
My love life has its own challenges. When two people meet, two worlds have to come together effortlessly (in my mind in any case). To adjust myself and find meaning and what I really want from life, incorporating another human being into it without forgetting who I am, is a mission. For now, being part of someone’s life has taken a back seat.
In a second chance relationship, more work goes into it, but it took a broken relationship to understand the full extent of it. When we met, I thought this is it, the man I will spend my old age with and I prepared myself to fit in his life but after a while, I realized it would take time, effort and if both parties don’t work at it every attempt would be fruitless. When it ended, it left me purposeless and empty, and I knew I would obliterate myself from the love scene completely. I feel the emptiness settling in me wondering if I would ever allow myself to love again. Although saddened, I realize that I need this time to get to terms with it all and discover my purpose.
My passionate side.
I never appreciated my passionate side, hiding it from everyone including myself, but on this new journey, I got to discern the intensity which I feel with and know not everyone would appreciate it. Although I embrace my passionate side, it makes me vulnerable to life and relationships creating its own challenges and I’ve learned more about myself letting go of old or even wrong thought patterns finding the balance during this and adapt in a way so I won’t get lost again.
Another learning curve.
With all this said, I simply want to leave you with the thought: Don’t be afraid to live, to dream, to love and yes, even to make mistakes.
To be true to ourselves takes determination and courage and lonely moments, unsure about the choices or even the next step but looking at the bigger picture we learn to know our own strengths discovering a world that would accept us for who we are.
But mostly to accept ourselves.
Be true to you.