Thank you for reading this Bible study with me.
I trust you will find inspiration within the chapters of this book.
There are quite a few chapters within this book, with much to think about. The reason I began this devotional. Though the story is fictional, the questions and struggles are real. God’s word is real.
Obedience is never an easy subject to talk about. Especially in the world, we live in where self-gratification is the norm. Then it is difficult to listen or obey the still small voice of God.
Luckily, He always provides a supportive structure around us to help us along the way. People we trust with the hard questions to guide us through.
Though they guide you, the tough work remains with you. You should become still, pray, and read the Bible to understand. Teaching is a requirement to grow in your faith.
- To accept Christ’s Redeeming life in your life.
- To have Faith that God is in control of whatever is going on in your life.
- To be patient and diligent.
- To follow His directions, though it means you must make a stand.
- To listen and do what is expected, even though it makes little sense.
- When you are unsure about the voice of God to become still and listen.
Each week, I will add a chapter to the website with a questionnaire. You have a week to read through the chapters and answer the questions. See what God is saying to you through the questions.
I hope you will discover your own path with God. That He will lead you on this quest to find Him and your purpose.
Part 1: Chapter 1: In the beginning.
Measured in seconds, time’s algorithm captures infinity within each movement. Worlds change and fragments become relics. Fashioning a new set of rules to profit from your only choice.
20 September 1995, Pretoria, South Africa.
Beaten and worn-out, a young Sonia reached the front door of the motel. The usual buzz in the place was eerily quiet. No one noticed the bloody hand palm as she tried to support herself. All the way to the entrance, the emptiness extended. Through the grimy glass, the emptiness enclosed the parking lot. The security guard not in his usual place.
Blood trailed her every step. Anxiously, she followed the cement path. At the boomed entrance, she curled into excruciating pain and collapsed. Her head hit the ground. Immediately grime attached itself to her sweaty forehead, but it was the last of her problems.
Three things happened in one moment.
A cork-like release followed by a blood clot landed between her feet.
A woman screamed. Then Sonia fainted.
A curse revived her; her view blocked by pedestrians.
The sick sensation of the rejected foetus left her paralysed and she adjusted her head to the place he laid. Helpless. Small. Defenceless.
He was all she had in this world. Another curse caused her to move once more. A black woman clicked her tongue in a sneer.
Her sins under public scrutiny.
At her feet, blood covered his body – a fist under the cheek. A dark red stain on the cemented driveway.
One Jacaranda flower dropped on top of him, just like a heavenly garment. The act so minute but understanding whispered. He was in a safe place – a better place. Far better than her motherly offering.
From there, things happened swiftly. People gathered around her. One man’s soft, endearing words reached her befuddled mind. The pain only a dull throb, and she was cold.
“She must be drunk.”
“What kind of mother is she!”
Her client appeared in front of her. His condescending insolence endorsed the crowd’s whispers, and he left with no inclination that he knew her.
The next moment, they placed him on her breasts. His tiny form blueish, and she shielded him with trembling hands.
Sirens filled the air. The faint smell of petrol fumes released an oppressing heat. The merciless sun left her powerless. A shadow shielded her as an uniformed man covered them with a soft blanket.
Focused on her son, she burnt every perfect part of him into her mind. He was her courage, the reason she still breathed. Tears formed as she closed her eyes – blackness, her only solitude.
An eternity passed before she opened them in an altered world. Everything was different, brighter, and clean.
The sting of disinfectants confronted her, and a woman hovered above her. She whistled a well-known song; one she had learned at her mother’s knee. Her compassion stirred her spirit and tears stung a bruised cheek. Enclosed behind a curtained area, the bed was soft.
“What is your name?” The woman’s voice crisp and clear.
Startled, she looked at her. She could not remember the last time she used her actual name. Brandy, no, that was not correct. She was never a Brandy.
“Where is my baby?”
The woman lowered herself. “He’s in the Father’s hand, child. Do not fear. He will look after him.” The soft hand brushed her face.
“Cry, my child. We will take good care of you. When I come back, we can discuss it.”
She isolated her with a white sheet – warm, pressed, and clean.
More tears filtered into the pillow; stained with regrets and whys. When she returned, the day had passed. The night changed into day before pale blue eyes appeared again.
“How are you?” A covered plate drew her attention.
“Better, thank you.”
“Eat something. I know it’s not the best, but it will strengthen you.” The nurse lifted the lid, and she inhaled the aroma of the food. Her intensive stare never left as she ate with gusto.
The woman dragged a chair closer, her features more prominent in the daylight. She did not imagine the kind-heartedness.
“Can you remember what’s your name?” The matron spoke when she felt satisfied and placed the spoon on the table. Satisfied, a feeling long forgotten.
“Sonia.” She cleared her throat and repeated: “Sonia Main.”
“I am Matron Sally van der Walt. So happy to meet you, Sonia.” In the motherly irises, she found no judgment.
“How old are you? Can you remember?”
“Nineteen,” she replied, uncomfortable under the scrutiny. The last time she had experienced this kind of acceptance was when her mom was alive. How long ago was that?
“What are your plans for your future?”
“I don’t know,” and she pulled the sheet towards her. Her shame hidden.
“Today I want you to rest, get stronger, and then, when willing, we can talk about your future. God has not forgotten you, my child. You have come to the right place. God’s plans are greater than what you can see. Never forget that.”
Zephaniah 3: 17.
The Lord your God is amidst you, a Mighty One, a Saviour [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love, He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.
- During our weakest moments, it is difficult to see God’s hand in our lives. Sonia Main was only a young woman when she lost her baby because of bad choices.
How is the scripture, Zephaniah 3:17, relevant to her situation?
- After a tragic experience, it is easy to feel shame and guilt because of what happened. Even blaming yourself, but what does the scripture say: What does God do with your past?
- If God forgets your past, what stops you from forgetting and moves on?
- What does the first part of the scripture: God is amid your life mean to you?
- Do you think God cares about you?
- If the answer is no, why not, and how does this hold up against the scripture?
In this week, meditate about the Word. Find a place to become quiet and re-establish your connection with God.
If you have never made peace with God, what stops you from doing it now?
Repent of the distance between you and the Lord. Tell God of your desire to draw near to Him and claim His promise to draw near to you. Prayerfully seek His cleansing of your hands and His purification in your heart. Spend some time searching your heart with seriousness and humility before the Lord. (James 4:8-10)
Heavenly Father, you know the depths of my sin. Thank you for the gift of grace that makes me aware of my sin and lay it at your feet. Awareness is the first step toward confessing, repenting, and forsaking it. Today I turn back toward You. I thank You for granting me a fresh awareness before a holy God! Not so I can wallow or berate myself, but so I can come to the cross for cleansing.
David’s repentance prayer in Psalm 51 is there for you, too.
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to Your steadfast love;
according to Your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in Your sight,
so that You may be justified in Your words
and blameless in Your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, You delight in truth in the inward being,
and You teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that You have broken rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from Your presence,
and take not Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
and sinners will return to You.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of Your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare Your praise.
For You will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
You will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
Do good to Zion in Your good pleasure;
build up the walls of Jerusalem;
then will You delight in right sacrifices,
in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on Your altar.
Having believed Your promise, I receive Your forgiveness, recognizing that God removes my sin as far as the east is from the west, choosing to remember it no more. There are no words to thank You for this grace.
It’s in the name Jesus, my Savior, I pray. Amen.
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