It has been a while since my last writing. With so much that has happened the last year, I never really felt to say something specific. As if words failed me. Or maybe it was just how the Lord has worked with me. But it doesn’t matter.
What does matter is that we do as God leads us. On this road of recovery/returning, I am more aware of what I do, and how I do it.
Those who know my path till today know how much of a financial struggle it is to survive. There are days I wondered if I am listening correctly. There are days I don’t stay connected with God as much as I should. There are even days that I miss reading or listening to the Word of God.
Ever since the lockdown has begun in 2020, I knew that many things have changed. Looking for work has ground to a stop, but God has supplied in my needs even then. Small favors of grace, actually.
When the government announced the special grant for unemployed people, I submitted my forms as well. When that R300 dropped into my account, it was like manna, sweet as honey. International writers would request a review and pay me for a blog post and so with every payment, when added with the R300 gave me enough of an income, and faithfully I tithe where God directed.
There was no money for luxuries, but when I needed some petrol or cleaning products for that month, money would be there; either by an unexpected book sale or gift from someone close to me. I have learned to appreciate the small things. It is amazing how much we actually need to survive.
This is not something new to me. Before my return to God, I struggled to earn anything. It was a constant headache and I just never had enough, no matter how hard I worked. With everything I have tried, it never was enough. I was ridiculed, mistreated, in despair, and lost. Even when I started with life coaching, it did not bring in the money I needed.
When I gave the reins back to God, I had to learn again how to trust Him, and small breakthroughs sifted through. Once the special grant was lifted, God provided another way. This time I received a weekly payment for work that I normally do for free. Ten weeks of a steady income really helped me to complete another book and publish it. It gave me enough to breathe easily and instill hope that I will make it. With that, the Lord provided an additional income just to make a life that much easier.
The feeling of elevation when I paid my proofreader or my father is something that only a person in my shoes will understand. It just lifts your spirit. You feel accomplished and good.
Once the ten-week project finished, I prayed again. Worried how I will pay rent or put petrol in the car or pay the few debit orders. And I must admit my faith faltered for a few days. I could not sleep, struggled to concentrate, and just went through the normal day-to-day things, all to still my mind.
During the ten-week work, a person contacted me on LinkedIn about publishing my books on their website. I get these types of emails and requests frequently so did not think about it too much at the time. After I completed the project, I looked at the message again. Investigated the links they have shared and made sure all looks legit. I wrote an email to the person and two days later a reply came back. This time I was really nervous—again, once bitten by a scammer, you are on an edge.
The next email from them offered me work as a ghost-writer, as well. I signed a ten-month contract with them. The timing could not have been better. This month, I received my first paycheck. The last time I have seen that kind of money in my bank account was in 2009 as a full-time employee.
All because I listened and obeyed the promptings God has given me. To say I am grateful is an understatement. I am jubilant.
I am thankful to God for teaching me how to survive with the bare minimum. Everything I have, and where I come from, is only because He is a truth-maker. When I put my hand in his in 2016, God had to remove a lot of the rubbish accumulated over time. Lies and fears of too many broken dreams. He had to build my confidence, renewed my faith, and I had to learn to trust Him.
Through it all, he remained faithful. Like a father who waits for his son to return, God stayed with me even when I pushed Him away. Where my journey will go, I do not know, but in God I know I have a future. Where he leads, I will follow.
Trusting Him came at a price, but it is a price worth paying because He has my back.
In all things, give thanks.